Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Raising Boys to be Men


I recently came across an excellent resource on this matter of raising boys to be men. Albert Molher's little pamphlet, From Boy to Man - the Marks of Manhood, is an excellent resource.

When does a boy become a man? When do we start to move our boys to manhood? What does moving our boys to manhood look like? Dr. Molher explains.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Beyond the Internet Filter: Are you really stopping your children from viewing elicit material on the world wide web?

Much to my chagrin, I learned today some pretty scary stuff about ways in which pornography can enter your home even when you "think" you are doing everything to stop it. Pastor Brunson passed this article along to me that is a must read for parents seeking to protect their children from elicit material on the Internet.

You can find it here.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Principle 2: Raising Children Should Be Done With Tenderness, Affection, and Most of All PATIENCE!


I'm sure you have heard it said by a parent or more likely from a grandparent, "I spoil my child (or grandchild) because I love them." I'm not sure those two things (spoil and love) go hand and hand all the time. The most important way that we are to demonstrate love toward our children should be to let them see our love. Love needs to take the form of action. Love needs to influence every instance of parenting.

Ryle states, "Love should be the silver thread that runs through all your conduct. Kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, patience, forbearance, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys - these are the chords by which a child may be led most easily - these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart."

Often times our parenting turns out to be more like horse training than child training. What do I mean by that? Have you ever turned on the outdoor channel or even better RFD-TV (A 24-hour network with educational and informational programming targeting rural America. RFD TV focuses on rural news, events, and convention coverage, agricultural information and family-oriented programming)? You can see some amazing shows on RFD about training a horse. If you ever catch one of these shows you will notice that these expert horse trainers are very skilled at what they do. You may also notice that when they are training a horse ,the really good trainers are not there to show the horse whose boss. You wont see them trying to drag the horse around by its reigns or beating them into submission. Rather, you will see them drive the horse. They will drive the horse or encourage the horse in one direction or another. If a horse is "hell-bent" on not doing what the trainer wants it to do, the trainer will take all the time it needs to get the horse to perform a certain task. The trainer is never in a hurry, rarely gives up, and is always in the mode of steering the horse rather than "beating the horse into submission to do his will."

Child training is must like training a horse. Grown-ups and children alike are naturally resistant to stern and a severe manner of being dealt with. When a child feels that he or she is being dealt with in a stern or severe way they will react much like an unbroken horse - there might be some major bucking. If we approach child-training in this manner we will find that the child will shut the doors of their hearts and we will grow weary trying to make our way back through the door.

What's the alternative? How can you possibly get a child to listen or do what you ask when they are stubborn and shut-up?

Let them see that you love them! They must see that by your actions and your words that you desire above all else to make them happy. They must sense that your chief purpose is to do them good. They must sense that if you punish them, it is for their good. They must see that you are willing to do whatever it takes to care for them. Do this and they will be won to you. However, in doing this, it must be done in kindness. It must be done with affection if their affections are to be won.

If you are now convinced that your parenting has been more like beating a horse into submission rather than guiding and wooing the child in the direction that you want them to go, then you must not grow weary in well-doing. You cannot expect things to change all at once. It may take months, even years to change a stubborn heart. A child, or even a teenager lacks the wisdom and maturity to be able to change all at once. It will take time. It will take PATIENCE! Without patience, and prayerful obedience to the Lord, nothing good can be accomplished in the life of your child. It is always been helpful for me to remember what I was like when I was a child or teenager. (Wow!)

Again from Ryle, "Love is one grand secret of successful training. Anger and harshness may frighten, but they will not persuade the child that you are right; and if he sees you often out of temper, you will soon cease to have his respect."

As parents, one of our main responsibilities is to make sure that we are constantly in favor with our children. That they know that at any given moment you love them so much that you would die for them at the drop of a coin. They need to feel, see, and have that since of security in your love. On the contrary, it is a dangerous thing to have your child afraid of you and always responding out of fear. Fear smothers love. Fear smothers openness. Fear leads to bottled emotions and feelings. Fear leads to lies.

So may we be tender, may we be loving, and may we be patience as we "train our children in the way they should go."

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Principle 1: If You Want to Train Your Child Properly, Train Them in the Way They Should Go and NOT in the Way That They Want to Go!

Remember that all children are born (and adults too) with a propensity towards evil (Psalm 51:5) - this is what it means to be Totally Depraved as the old reformed doctrines states it. We believe this doctrine wholeheartedly because it informs us how we are to view God, man, and life in general. Therefore, if you let your children choose for themselves and make all the big decisions in life by themselves, they will most definitely choose wrong. We must remember the age old principle that the "heart is deceitful" and "prone to wonder" (Jeremiah 17:9).

We don't know exactly what our children will when the "grow up," especially when they are infants. Will they be tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish, doctor, lawyer, nurse, teacher, etc. All of these things are really just unknown when you have young children. However, there is one thing that your child will most definitely be: a sinner. All children will have and do have a sinful and corrupt heart. It is our human nature to do wrong. This is one of the reasons why they need parents.

So if you want to parent wisely and diligently, according to God's direction, you must not leave the child to their own way and their own will. Being a godly parent means thinking for your children and making sound judgments for them. Parenting according to God's standards means not leaving your child to their natural inclinations.

You must know that as a parent, you have been given the god-given rite to decide what is good for your child's mind and soul, what they should eat and drink, and what they should wear, etc... You are called to be consistent and faithful in your parenting according to this principle. God wants us to train our children in a way that is scriptural and right, and not in the way that a child thinks is best for him or her.

If you do not decidedly affirm this first principle of Christian parenting, then raising a child in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord" will be extremely difficult. A child's desire to self-govern is the first thing that can appear in a young adolescence's mind, and it must be your first action in parenting to resist the temptation to give into your child's every desire to fulfill their happiness at all cost.

Parents, remember that in your parenting, the goal of parenting children through the infant, toddler, elementary, and adolescent years is to train your child in light of the fact that one day they will be an adult. They will be an adult more of their life than they will be a child so it is imperative that this principle informs the way we parent - this is what it means to train them in the way they should go - guiding them into adulthood, not dropping them off at the steps of adulthood.

The Principle of Proverbs 22:6

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
~Proverbs 22: 6.

This verse has long been quoted and used to give biblical encouragement to parents for many, many years. But what does it mean? What are the implications of Proverbs 23:6? For that matter, what practical advice does the Bible have for those who are looking parenting tips?

It is my prayer that this blog will be a place you can turn for some little "golden nuggets" of advice when it comes to parenting God's way. The inspiration for many (if not all) of my blog posts will come from the timeless work by J.C. Ryle called "The Duties of Parents." You can read this book online for free by clicking here.

Please feel free to comment and ask questions on this blog.